Life is a Journey

Today is Thai and long holiday lots of peoples get rest until next Tuesday .I don't feel like updating anymore. Not sure what's going on with me lately.There is not much to update or maybe it's just the same stuff. Things are going well here for the most part. Things are starting to begin again. I was in Bangkok lately about 4 days, I have done with applied my Residence permit to be an Aupair in Denmark again. I don't think i told you guys about it before i am not keep in secret but just lazy to update about it. I don't know why i chooses Denmark again after i was Refused last time. One thing, i got really nice host family and i like them alot. who know this time might be the right and good time as God always Provide the perfect way for me.

I am not really enjoyed the time in Bangkok because i am so much tired from travel around in Bangkok as i told you i went there to applied my Residence permit in Danish Embassy,i had to ride Motor bike, Van, Sky train and walk. long way more then a Marathon! i took the bus to Bangkok and lived with my aunt from her house to Embassy it pretty far it took me about 2 hours, so much traffic OHHH Man Busy and Hurry City! well i am finished about Application and now it's time fore being waiting again but i feel better then last time, less stress and worry. I came back home last Tuesday morning by the bus. i almost missed the bus back home because i forgot it's long holiday in Thailand. all the bus full. i got the bus in the last company and last back seat, bad seat, everything bad with this trip to come back home, my seat can not lay down. they said its a special seat and it's really! I would sleep thru most of the ride BUT I DIDN"T!!! i sit beside the window jump all the time. my head hit the window all the time as well. have a boy sit next to me he lay down on the seat head on his mom lap, his feet is on my way. "he kicked me"many time and very mad and i always push his feet away from me that's made him woke up. How fun is it you can not imagine! GRRRRR

On the way i got car sick normally it's happen to me. i want to jump out from the bus , feel really bad very dizzy but i am very patient to not Vomit on other head! i would like to lol...
i came home straight on my bed and sleep as long as i can, no food nothing i just want to sleep. now i am better much better.see how strong am i.

It's only 2 more day for the rest time before school open new 2nd team. This team i will have only 1 boy left. my little student girl Benz moved to other School because her dad want her and her brother studies in Thai program not Bilingual anymore. she called my often some time send sms how cute she is. Yesterday she called but i was sleeping after got back from bkk i call her back later that day. She told me manything happening with her and her brother during the school break she always keep saying "I miss you Kru Jeab, I want to see you, i want to learn with you, you are funny" i was have tear in my eyes and i said i love you too, i miss you too and please come back! after that her brother Andrew talked to me on the phone, he is 4th grade but after lunch and after school while they waiting for the parent come to get them we always play Frisbee, eat snack, talking. he said the same thing as benz said he miss me and he love me and you know he's ask if i am crying i said i am not but its him start crying and gave the phone back to benz then he ran away to the toilet. I told Benz if she have any problem want to talk "just Call me" i can not say much ,manything not good happened with them. When the school open we all will miss them for sure!

Apha and Andrew

Apha, Andrew& Benz

As i said my journey its begin again. i don't know and i can not say what is going on my next month or next 2 month feel settled in for the most part.This time for going to Denmark I hope i will get my own way too...I still don't know where am I going tough maybe know but just not sure. just walk step by step now and hopefully i will find my way in this journey..

I'm feeling hopeful today- maybe because it's sooo sunny out. The day started off sunny after rain almost everyday and it's still sunny!! I think the rainy season is just about over and starting cold season soon . All bright, bright sunshiny days from now until next May??

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Passage Psalm 31:24

Thank you for spend your time to read my blog, Bless you&Love you.

Dear a Man Who I Love The Most ♥

This is the first time i wrote about my Dad. It's been about 10 years since you left this Earth when i was 19 year old. You die because of heart attack. You die after my 19 birthday only 10 days. This is why i always remember the date 19 June the day i lost the Man who i love the most. After you die every year on my birthday its really hard time for me, i am not happy at all, i am not going to have party at all. I am so hurt and so sadness when you die but i never had tears in front of any peoples. Do you know why? Its have been alot of thing happened between me and you since along time ago. You left my mom, me and my brother when i was only 7 year old, moving out to lived with other woman. You gone during we celebrated a new house the one i live right now. That time i still young i am not really understand about it but one thing i knew that you not LOVE us anymore and my mom always said that to me. I grew up without loving from you but you still supported us until you die. Do i mad at you? I do. I never let you hug me touch me. I always not nice to you, always said manything rude to you. did i want to be like that? "NO" i am not but i want you to look at us back and care about us more then that woman. You came to visited us at home often.Took me and my brother out for dinner, you came to help us when my mom was so sick she can not walk for 2 years something happened with her bones and joins.

I have to moved from Christian school to the school that's close to my house because my mom can not take me to school anymore. I can not really remember about it and hard t explain.

about a week before you die, you have been moved back to live with grandma and i went to visit you 2 days before you die and it is my last time, last meal for me to do and talked to you and i am not even think it is the last say goodbye from you. That's day i have been hurt you feeling alot.

you told me you will get back to that woman again next day and i am so mad because i don't want you to go back to her again. You tried to hug me and and play with me but i said " don't touch me because you are not my father" the way i said its rude more then that. The day after, my brother told me that's you cried and so sad when i said that i want to go to see you again and say i am sorry but i not even have that chance. In that night my uncle came and told us you is in the hospital, you was shock during watching TV. I was hit my self and said "its just a dream" i don't know what to say , my feeling that so hurt more then any words i can say.

Its have been for a long time you gone and i always have scar and still painful in my heart. i want to go back in the past and tell you that's i am sorry, anything i said i didn't mean like that. i always have tear when i think about it, think about my stupid, idiot ! I really want you to know that i was got to studies into CMU the university in your dreams that's you want me to studies there. i am graduated and i am a teacher. if you still here i bet you will so happy ever!

I am a Christian but i can not ignore Buddhism culture. i still do manthing in Buddhist ways with my mom and alone. i am not confused but i want to do it.
Its hurt to think and feel so sorry for late of the time. i always blame my self you die with sad feeling about me.i was a stupid and very bad daughter. i can not delete those feeling away ever.

Its almost your birthday in 16 October. Dad i know anything i will say you will never know. I just want to tell you and ask you to forgiveness in everything i did in the past. i want you to know i forgive you in everything, i want you yo know that " I LOVE YOU" and " I AM SO SORRY. i am very happy and very appreciated to be your daughter and i always wish i will be your daughter again in Next Life.

Sometime i think i don't lose anything through death but there is a possibility that i might gain something. Dad Thank you for life , Thank you for chance to made me brave, Thank you to be part of me, Thank you for good life you gave to me even its really hard way. Thank you for everything. "Sleep in peace MY LOVE"

I don't know this song it is about you or not but i always see you when i look at my self and i will never be alone anymore.

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody when the night's so long
'Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that prove to me
All I need, every breath that I breathe
Don't ya know, you're beautiful

Yeah, yeah

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you
I look at you

Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
You appear just like a dream to me

Thank you for y'all to read my sad experience and i always waiting for forgiveness from my Dad.
Pray for me. Bless you.