My Choice to Believe

I would like this blog to be interesting of the daily for someone, and give someone the ability to see just a little of what it is like to be here. Doing small things like updating my blog are difficult to do. sometime i have been off writing for awhile because so much has happened that I don't know where to start and i have been so busy in my life. This is my honest effort to start writing again, even if it is not much but hopefully I will get better to update my blog.

I am so blesses and praise the Lord, Thank you Jesus that you keep me away from the flood in the south of Thailand where i have been thinking to live there for 3 months. For me "sometimes what Jesus does is so big and hard to believe" sometime i get confused and not sure about myself and confused of what i believe in. 3 weeks ago i was cancel to be a nanny in Kho Samui (south of Thailand) the family i was talk about them in the last post. Both of us are canceled because we both are was not agree with the job responsible and our purpose not go in the same way as we wish. i though it might be a good opportunity for me to try to live in another place but in the end its not good enough. Everything have a reason to be and will be.

Living without children to call me a teacher for awhile already and start to be a nanny for Swedish Family. Actually live and work in my Kingdom is not too bad. I am being really like the kids here who i look after them during the week.

It's getting hard for me to think to say goodbye them if one day i get a Visa to go to live in Sweden. Everything was plan before i came to be with them and now all document papers are ready for me to go to apply for a Visa in Bangkok in the end of this month. Both are very good choice and hard for me to choose. Definitely i have to choose to go apply a Visa to Sweden. I don't want to say this was a choice and i chooses this way not because other way are not good. as i said before everything was plan before i met them. Alas i don't want to feel like this.

My Jesus my savior, I trust in you. the way that i am will walk i will go because that way is from you. i will walk to follow your footprint. Everyone have your own Choice to believe. i also have my own choice to believe and i want to share to everyone if you would like to read and listen. I have done lots of heartfelt praying since last year. God is faithful, strong and mighty. Not always, or even usually, in the way I want Him to be but i still keep hoping and believe in Him. Thank you to spending your time to read. Love ya'll.

" Everything possible if you just Believe "

Cause life's not a bed of roses..

My poor blog was starting to feel very upset and dissapointed. I really haven't had too much time for writing other than teaching, finding a new job and try to figure out to sort the problem in my life. Between school, tutor and my family - well, I'm usually pretty tired. I usually write to process thoughts and emotions that I am dealing with and that is certainly the case today.

I have a lot going on in my life. I am getting ready for another move even don't know exactly what going on me tomorrow.Today i got email from one of my freind she wrote to me that made me pretty upset about what eles she misunderstood. she though i am angered at her "yes" i was but from now i didn't have that feeling to be angry to anyone anymore, I am tired with my work alot. I only have free time on the week day after 7 pm also saturday and sunday but don't you think i want to get rest?

Anything she wrote on the email, i will think i never get it, i will ignored it because i don't want to argue and get involve after that. of course i do cares but i don't want to dragging out the problem more then this. Dear my friends i just want you to know, Sometimes in life,we should learn to stop bothering so much.I am sorry to made you think like that about me, but please understand sometime we all will want to spend time alone..

In time to come, we'll all realize that things aren't always what it seems.

And as for disappointment, its not entirely true that if you expect more than you should,you'll fall right into deep disappointment. Sadly, sometimes even if you don't expect anything,you're still able to fall right into it.

Maybe I don't deserve to be commenting on things like these. But right now,I just feel so numb. I'm numb of all things,I'm constantly getting numbed by almost everything in my everyday life.

I'm at school for the last week being a teacher. With a million thoughts in mind, Speding time to think and try to recover my feeling from many people. I leave the school for a reason and i pray that Jesus will guide me in the right way as he want me to be and do.

So, This blog post everyone must know. I didn't ask you to forgive me in anything but whatever been happened before or just now i forgive and try to forget to everyone although in the past they're did anything right or wrong to me. I will leave all that feeling behind me, stay away from those stuffs . I do need to stop care about my past. I have to keep going and do more care about TODAY. Please stop asking me again over and over that i still angry, sad or have bad feeling with ya'll ..I am finished.

We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.

I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord's job), is done in our hearts.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" Luke 6:37

Good luck with that future Jeab..

Thank you to spending your time to read my post. Love you all,

My life is continues to be Change..

First thing i am gonna say it is Happy Valentine's Day to yall..
I am getting more excited to live in Koh Samui next month and actually nervous about live in a new place and live with a new family. It's just not only change a new job but it change a place to live too, Samui is faraway from my kingdom where i belong to but it is very good and new opportunities that i should take to learn new skill about life to help me more growing up.

I will be a full time nanny kinda like an Aupair live with Mix European Family, also Trilingual family, 3 boys that's very easy to imagine how much they will keep me busy with them. I will fly from Chiang Mai to Koh Samui in the first week of March at first we all will stay at 4season hotel because my host family they didn't have a look for a new house to live yet. i think there will be very nice hotel as 4season in CM.

I just take another step to do something else to gain my life experience and learn to live as a girl who think how much life worth enough. I don't know this is a good thing and the right way for me but i got a chance to try i have to keep going, my life is continues to be change i am sure.

In 3 months in Koh Samui i will try to take happiness as much as i can, make a new friends, enjoy the beach. i don't know what will happen next day but just know today i do "my best"

This time i have not much to update but this blog is a bit surprise for many friends that's i am leaving from my kingdom soon and away for 3 months, actually i didn't tell many friends about it i am not hiding but i like silent...well i will update again when i arrive in Koh Samui then. Have a good time in the last week of the month of love! Love you all!

Dear people who call yourself a Doctor.

Dear people who call yourself a Doctor.


I am a Teacher and I have questions to ask you. What is your job duty responsibility? I always think a Doctor is peoples who try to safe a life and give a chance for a life to live. Do i misunderstood? I know that is really hard job for a human, you have to be brave and hard for you to make decision sometime and i alway think you try to do your best but You are not God that you can judge a life should live or end.


One day if i get sick PLEASE do not give your opinion to my family that i should die because if i still have alive will cost more problem later on. My life might be not worth for you but my life more worth and important for my family and many peoples who love me. You love your life and others also love their life. They trust in You to safe their life. Please accept my apologize from me if i were misunderstood you. Thank you very much for your spend time to read my letter.


Kind Regards and Yours Sincerely,
Teacher who's try to give a chance and teach peoples how to live.

If you were born to be a giver. ♥

This my first post in 2011. Happy new year for all.....Wish this year will bring you happiness and joyful for you.

If you can choose,Do you want to be a Recipient or Giver?? for me i want to be both but in the reality for my whole life not many time i am a recipient, not many peoples they giving me.When you do something to others i am sure you all still have some hope that something will return right?

Many Peoples said Great Pleasure is to be a giver not a recipients.what do you think? manytime i still have hope that i will get something good return when i do something good. Do i get it? yes i do get but its really hard to happen with me each time.Most of the time i am happy to be a giver, i don't mind if others will think about me at first when they get in to trouble and never think about me when they are happy. That mean i am still worth enough to help others and still important to many peoples who need help from me.

Mr.RC said "Good people are not selfish" and i said " I am not a good person that's why i still want to be selfish" lol

Mrs.Connie said "Remember you are the example they are all looking at!" I try to be haha

Mama said" Keep doing"

Why i giving to others and why i can not giving to help my self? sometime i just need one person who will sit and listen to me and hang out with me when i get stress from work, for comfort me or whatever. Many time after hang out with friends who i though they are good friends for me but after that i get more stress. Everyday from now i will try to rejoice what i get and respect what i lose! maybe i should hang out alone as before, its the best way..I didn't angry at them but i look back at my self maybe i am not good enough to be with other, i don't want them to get into trouble because of me. i am tired!

Lately Connie, Richard and i we was help a girl changed her mind to do abortion. She called one evening after i finished work at school, she said " p' Alex i need your help" i answer " yes don't tell me you are have a baby" she laugh and i said "ok tomorrow evening i will go meet you". next day i met her and we have talked a lot about it and took her to the clinic and check if he really pregnant. when i saw her at first i already know she is, she said she love her baby but she not ready and don't want to have a baby right now, who is a father also said like that.(they are not marry)

she just 19 years old. i told her can not to do abortion because she pregnant already 5 months, too dangerous for her and i don't want her to kill new life that gonna be here soon then i took her to meet Connie&Richard at home, we have talked for awhile and in the end she said"she will keep her baby". she want to quit the job and stay somewhere,i know because she shy but Connie and Richard gave her an advice that she should keep her job better. she will go back to her home soon to tell her parent and getting marry with that man. Hope everything will be ok for her. I am glad what i have done that i can save one more life.

Nothing really much for update. I am just feeling bored and tired, got abit bad health but i am ok just need to run more but lazy! Thank you for you all to read my story..Love you

35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35 (New International Version, ©2010)

If it wasn't this,It would be something else

I though i am strong enough when something happen to make me feel down but today i just realize that i am pretty weak person Who always try to pretend and put a joker face in front of others.I was have questions for myself most of the night. who am i? I am so much different than i imagined cause i am finding life to be so much harder than i planned. i am confused by all this Happening. i get afraid. I want to ask you God is it true that for every tear i cry you cry a thousand more? some friend told me he is but i really don't know he will be. Now i am hurt and hurt more then many peoples and why you always like to see me cry and keep hurting me?how is it fair for me to be living with Disappoint life?how is it fair for 29 year old to know this much pain? This is what you give and prepare for me?you know that i trust in you, and always trust in you. Please help me to have better life, i want to wish you in this time i got too much worse in my life just one thing i want you to help to let my dream happen. dream that i never have a chance to get it. do i blame in you? yes i am.
i am tired to sit and cry alone like this. I am pity in my self. i hope will have someone to sit beside me and listen to me to comforting me but i still all alone every time. i tried to walking alone on the road of life. i never give up hope. i never give up in my destiny. today even i have to walk alone with tears in my eyes i still keep walking and will follow my aims. today i might be a loser but its won't take so long for me to get up. tonight will be the last night i will cry so hard like this for my crap life. tomorrow what will happen i will go through it all alone. i know life so hard harder then i was imagine but i will be strong and will never give up, i promise for all my broken heart.I hope time will heal my wrecked and broken hearts eventually. when you read this post. don't pity on me. i want you to know and understand that still have many peoples like me have worse life more then you. this is just few's part of my life that i want to share.If it wasn't this,It would be something else.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith,
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith!

Thank you

It’ll be a long time until I can accept it, until I learn how thing are the love between you and me isn’t easy. During the time we kept teaching ourselves to understand it was decided we have to say good-bye. I don’t blame you for leaving because I’ve always understood. Time’s up. You have to go but there’s still something remaining in my heart. It’s my thoughts of you that you don’t realize, I can’t speak them All I can do is miss you. I give in to truth but I won’t give up the good memories I will keep you in my heart. Stuck with the time that still turns forward however lonely I have to be. Just wan to say Thank you in everything and thanks to give me back my heart, my life my time and Thank you for a wonderful life’s coming. Can type” Love you” but can not say it.

Its have been almost 2 years that I have been single. Actually it’s good being single again, Spend time alone, travel alone, do many thing by my self. Lonely? “Yes” sometime but now my mine has used to be. I am much appreciated that I still have some good friends who always with me when I am down and help me, believe that I am a strong and good girl. I can say now I love to being alone, actually seem like very independence, get bored quickly, don’t like to force my self to do anything that I don’t want to do, strong mine but never think to be like self centre. Still be a good listener and fixable girl. Still like to spend time with real good friends.

I have been shut down my friendship with few friends who I have been though they are the one of good person I ever met but I was make mistake about them. It’s the true “Time will Tell” its will show everything just need to wait. My feeling with them all gone and will never back ever. Forgive but not forget. Thanks that I still have some good friends left and thanks for all new friends are coming.

I want you all know how much I feel happy now, I have good friends same as they are my great family who always say miss me, take care all the time. Always guide me, teach me, and give me perfect advices. I want to say I miss you too!! Thanks for my mama who always want to joke me but I never get it but she still keep trying. Thanks for my dog he always hurt me but I still love him, Thanks for my cat she is always wake me in the middle of the night but I still love her. Thank you for everything that I love and I always thinking about that’s remind me I still have great feeling to get a great life.

I have been to Pai Meahongson with one of my friend last weekend actually for the race the main reason i am going there. Beware if you are single don't go because there's very Romantic place to visit and i was bored and was sad to be single as long like this! lol i went to Coffee in love the coffe shop that got very nice area, coffee!! made me sick after i drank Mocha there! but maybe i was vomited because i didn't drink coffee for a long time, maybe more then 5 years! but i am fine after that...haha

The race was ok good idea but bad decide. ran up and down hill and it was remind me how much i should practice.(RC said) Today i walk like a Robot so sore legs! got meddle but no trophy. Connie was said we might get something surprise when we finished and it did! i got a big bow of rice soup full with just soup and little rices in the bow! Great.....I love Pai!

I drove motorbike there its about 120 kilometers, took me about 3-4 hours to get to Pai. stop somewhere on the way. i love the waterfall. just one thing it is not good to drive that far i am so hurt my bottom "Oh man" i will never want to sit for awhile. Finally i have a good weekend and thanks for Mik my friend and student who went there with me. i am thinking about next trip where should i go, can anyone give me some good idea??

Really have not much thing for update but I am still awesome as you know!

Cya soon, God bless you.