Knocked down but not knocked out

Sometime i might get knocked down, but i am not Knocked out but i need to get back up quickly.

After i got Visa rejected to Denmark i feel upset until now, i am not happy in everything i am doing now, get angry fast,Boring quick totally unhappy.
Finally the host family can not do anything it will take 6 months for filing complaint that is not worth enough for me to wait again and its not guarantee that i will get a Visa,well Denmark its Over.

I have to start looking for new host family again and i focus to other country but still in Europe, i am focus into Sweden but i don't know yet, many peoples asked me why i want to go to Europe why i am not going to Canada because i am qualification to apply for Live in Caregiver more then being an Aupair in EU, i answer them that in the same thing as i said before the main thing i want to go to EU because i want to go to visit Adopted kids who got adopted from Connie fosters home it might be only one chance for me that i can go to see them, i want to see how much they grows that is my dream i want to make it up but now i got less chance but i still have some hope but actually i don't know what going on me next.

I have been talk to some friends who's already there in Denmark, it made me feel so jealous them i am look back at my self and ask why i didn't get a visa ?why i am not there as them? what happened on my destination i am absolutely don't understand i thought everything getting better after i got bad luck before but i wasn't.

Today i help connie and others from Payap University worked on the yard again but we not finished yet and then we went to ran for Pakistan it a bit help me to forget and clean my head about anything that made me disappointed, actually i am not really happy in many thing i am doing now as a job i am happy to teach my students but i am not really happy to see and work with many peoples around me at work i am not hate but i was disappointed in something thats not true and they blame to me, I don't like to pretend and force my self to like some peoples that i don't like.

i am thinking and realizing that maybe i am not good enough for this school, i am not match with all the peoples there that they call they are a Team Work, normally for Thai peoples we not usually show emotion but for me i am not pretending.
suddenly i don't think i will work there for more longer its not about students,school or peoples its just about me that i cannot change my self to be match with them all, i know every job its hard in the beginning but in this i already did enough patient and give a chance for my self to open my heart being to be a forgiver but this is the best i can do.

I love to be a teacher, i love to have kids around me but sometime i might not get to do something that i like and make me happy in the same time.I might not a good teacher as i have been thinking before. there are many things that i would like to say but its might be not a good thing that peoples want to read, i knew i have strong emotion that why its will be a good reason that will let other better then me replace my position at this school. well i hope everyday my feeling will get better and stop get headache to think about those rubbish.

Thanks to all who have read my blog and prayed for me during when i have a bad time. its much appreciated!